It’s Ron.

A Ron post in 2023? It’s more likely than you think.

Hello everyone, hope you’re all doing well, any updates? How is sweetie and the kid(s)?

What a drag, life’s been a roller-coaster (no Six Flags). Minimal ups and too many downs, for example I have been team Uber for a very long time, Ronny Busems, so old he’s retro, catch him in London bruv he’s taking the Metro. Last year I just said screw it, had to start from scratch for driving, redid my learners, found a steal on driving school, found out I was eligible one month early then on the day of eligibility checked to take the course, one was available the next day, passed it first try. Within a week I had a new nephew and family helped me get a car everything was looking good. Three days later my dog died. The Dirty Dawg, Pomeranian Princess, The sweetest pup. She was one of my best friends, my polar opposite always as happy as could be, even as a boomer dog she was jumping up on the couch trying to give you a kiss. It hurt, it hurt double because I was dogsitting at the time I couldn’t get wasted and grieve, I couldn’t pour one out for the pup, I’m up at 7:45 to walk another pup for 8, and now I don’t really know how. Kinda used to people vanishing out of my life, so it’s a delayed effect, one day out of nowhere I’ll just get hit and miss them then Alexa, play How do I live by LeAnn Rimes, and she’ll do it but she’s so snappy, SURE, playing How do I live by LeAnn Rimes. Okay geez Alexa I’m sorry. I just haven’t been really able to talk about it, family was bad, very bad. I mentioned wanting to have been there before she passed and I got back Well she pretty much died on the way to the vet so you couldn’t have. Now, I could see the attempt, don’t beat yourself up Ron, it was so sudden, I can see what they tried to say but that combined with the can you stop by Tim Hortons on the way home and get me something? Very poorly done, so can’t talk to them about it. With friends they just say the classic, she’s in a better place, you gave her a good life etc. But what else could they really say? I really just pretended to be okay to avoid any awkward attempt at a conversation, so were you and your dog close? That kind of crap.

Me and the job search aren’t going too well. Everybody has a job for Ron, yeah they’re real close with management! Hmm? Do they have any sway on hires? They know someone who’s been there a long time! Things aren’t so good for our hero Ron and I can’t talk about them because you either get no advice or terrible advice. I see you’re having trouble with your online business, have you tried alienating your audience? Think about it Ron, they’ll PAY you for the free service everyone else is offering! Imagine going to the cashier at a grocery store, where any other cashier is doing the same exact checkout you do for free but just charge them for it! Imagine the bank! Next in line please, how may I help you today? Okay before you enter your card, I’m going to take a couple bucks, cash only please. Hmm? No, no other teller is doing this, hey wait, where are you going? It gets tiring. Explaining the thing you do to others who have never done it, never even looked into it but are suddenly experts, and when you’re explaining why it won’t work, just try it out. Money problems? Just buy a lottery ticket, you can win millions, but there are also tens of thousands of people also buying tickets just try it out. Just rob a bank, you can steal millions, but there is security and I don’t know the first thing about cracking a vault just try it out.

Had some health issues last year, waiting and waiting to see a specialist, referred around, hot potato. Went to the family doc for a full physical, bloodwork, urine, x-ray, everything. For every result I’d get a call from the Doctors office so he could tell me the news, Bloodwork? Fine! Urine? Fine! x-ray? Fine, Cardiogram…. Hello Ron? Please hold for the doctor. Uh-oh. Every other time she called and I had to videocall the doctor back, but this time I’m just getting transferred? 3 minutes becomes 5, then 8, then 10, then 15. I’m going through it, he can’t videocall me, imagine looking me in the eyes and telling me I’m going to die, he’s known me since I was a baby, he can’t do it! He’s pacing, oh no this is bad, finally get off of hold. Hello Ron? The doctor’s still on hold. I tell her it’s been 15 minutes, what’s going on, is this important? She responds with, It’s serious. Oh no! I’m going through it again, he can’t find a way to break the news to me, I’m not only sick, I’m already dead, oh no, what’s going on. Not only does she say it’s serious though, she says, We’ll just call you back tomorrow, Oh no, no you don’t. You can’t just lay that seed in my head then escape, No no, I’ll wait for the doctor. He finally gets on the line. Heart is beating out of my chest, no wonder something is up with my cardiogram, he says Hello Ron, I’ve got your results for the cardiogram… Everything is good! Have a goodnight. That receptionist! Even just a everything’s fine has to be an event over here geez.

Now the fun part. Last week I was contacted by my ex. Hurricane Honey, The Middle Eastern Earthquake, La Rata, anything that can screw up your life that’s Sweetie, call that lady a Bic she’s a gas lighter. I spent too many sleepless nights, midnight strolls, drinks at the park, too much time trying to figure her out and I never will. Some of her greatest hits are: I never cheated on you but if I did you can’t be mad at me. You know I have a Toronto number right? (When confronted about “being in Montreal” making up a dead relative to get money from me). You made me feel like I had to lie to you (When again confronted about “being in Montreal” That silly little GPS in the Uber said she was on a Toronto street) and my personal favorite I’m tired of you thinking the absolute worst of me, where’s your accountability? (Said by person who was living with another man while telling her “boyfriend” she’s homeless and making up tragedies every month to get increasingly more and more money). Again, I don’t get it. I’m not stupid, I was just in love, I caught her in many lies and gave her so many outs, I told her many times that it’s not working and just every month something comes up where she’s in trouble and needs x amount and whenever it’s time to pay me back wooooah you’ll never believe this Ron. She set it up so if I left I would be leaving some vulnerable, down on her luck, abandoned by her family, homeless lady and if I just “stay patient” everything will be good. Unfortunately staying patient just meant waiting until the lockdown is over and when she can go back to work and make her own money again theeen we can fight and breakup. Before then it was I need my baby back, I love you, I miss you. Just awful. I used to be very ashamed and embarrassed, thought I was the world’s dumbest idiot but now I get it, it was just a game. Over two years, over $20K, Baaabeuh, I’m homeless I need an AirBnB, I didn’t eat I need money for food, I have no clothes, I can find my own place! I just need first and last, once I get back on my feet I’m taking you out, you’re so kind, thank you baby, I need money for my tooth, I need money for medicine, I need money for the dog he’s a Pitbull he needs raw meat (Actual boyfriend’s dog btw). I need money for a lawyer, no? Okay, I guess I’ll just go to jail then, guess I’ll starve, guess I’ll be on the street, guess the dog just won’t eat. Yes? Okay babe the transfer went thrrough, I gotta go, bye muah.

There you go, context. I don’t even think she feels bad, either laughs at how much she got from me or tries to spin it, he wanted a serious relationship and wanted to actually see his girlfriend and grow together but well you see I liked somebody else and couldn’t live my lifestyle anymore so I literally invented dead relatives and fake scenarios where he’d feel bad enough to burn through his savings to “save” me =] So that lady tried to call me last week like we smooched at a party one time and lost touch. But I’m just as confused as you reader, what does she want? Money? Bitch me too the savings are gone. To apologize? Can’t be that because her reaching out to “make amends” was her telling me she lives in Toronto with her boyfriend like 7 times and that her friend’s stole her birthday gift and burnt it, no that it was fake, no that there was a news story about fake purses in real stores and that it wasn’t my fault. But guys you know what she did, she called and told me that “her cousin” took the bag to get cleaned and the store said it was fake =] Brilliant technique from her btw, she knew I’d be pissed enough to send her a receipt and that’s all she needed to resell it. So what could it be? Is this Tom Brady, not being able to throw the ball to his tried, tested and true receivers so he’s looking deep down the receiving corps for ANYBODY. So I get the call from a random number then immediately get two texts, Heyyy Ron it’s me [Redacted]. This is my new number. As I’m going to delete it, I see this number called me twice last year. You know my history with this lady, I went Sherlock Holmes (What?) I said I went Jake Peralta (What?) I said I went Elliot Stabler (What?) I went Columbo. Oh, this is your new number? That’s great, take care, ahh but just one thing Sweetie. Just going through my mind and guess what? I remembered. Last year I got a bunch of calls then texts and they said *ah-ah-ahem* Hey Ron, it’s [Redacted] I was with my girls and we saw some guys and one of them (attacked her) my phone died I’m using my girls’ number, I know I don’t deserve it but can you help me get an Uber. HMMMMMM. Curiouser and curiouser! If she’d lie about something like that, what else would she lie about? Fortunately for you dear reader, you already know the answer. It’s just weird, don’t completely ruin someone then try to check in, she’s acting like this is the NFL Ohhh late hit by Sweetie and Ronaldo is down, yeah this doesn’t look good Tony, she is approaching trying to extend a hand but he is clearly concussed, looks like his season is done. And that’s the thing right, I said to myself multiple times, if this train wreck doesn’t work out I’m done, and it increasingly got worse and worse, it’s really terrible and I don’t know the worst of it. Great line by my brother in law he said That’s the worst part, yeah she took a lot of money and that’ll come back (No it will not, I am STRUGGLING, any $20K baes out there reading this please inquire) but the thing that’s really heartbreaking is you’ll never trust again. And you can’t blame me. You can heal from somethings but you’ll never get past it, especially if every year like a phoenix from the ashes from a random number I get a Heyyy.

That’s me, that is the update. Got three weddings this year and don’t you dare even ask, the only plus one for me is the bartender homie at the open bar. One step forward, three steps back, learned from my mistakes and hoping to get on track. Since I can’t be anybody else, this has been me, it’s Ron. -Nerd Out