This may be a different post than usual because I’m furious. However I didn’t sleep on it, I wanted to freely write how I feel full of emotion and we’ll see what we get. My name is Ronald Fenton, and I’m black. Some reading this may think there’s no reason to state my ethnicity or skin color, that doesn’t matter only my words should. Some may think racism is no big deal, just a couple jokes here and there, but try to date my daughter or sister and I will actually threaten you with physical harm. I can try to understand the ignorance but enough is enough. There are some places I can go to IN A FIRST WORLD COUNTRY where I can be killed for simply being black, there will be no fair trial, the judge will probably be friends with the murderer and that would be it, I would die simply because of something I had no choice over, that’s a big deal. As a black man I am scared, I am scared everyday my life will be put in the hands of somebody with hate and it will be ended. It will be ended and whoever killed me might get a paid vacation and live happily ever after. As a human being I’m disgusted, I’m disgusted that people are blinded by some ambiguous difference such as nationality and think they are superior. There have been multiple times in my life where I have been bullied, harassed, excluded, beaten. Physically hurt because my skin color did not match their own, but lol jk idk racism is no big deal right? Black people are only good for music and sports, when a person becomes romantically interested in you suddenly I’m not good enough because you mentioned my skin color to your mom and “she freaked out” you can actually go fuck yourself.
Apparently I’m just this uneducated, thieving, criminal that does not know any better. I can be a filthy nigger, but if I play for your favorite sports team and I’m winning you a championship then I’m “one of the good ones”. Maybe I am uneducated, because I can’t comprehend that another human being said to you that another human being isn’t good enough because.. their skin color is different? That makes me what? A criminal? A terrible person? Less human? Someone actually, in person, told me that “racism isn’t going to go away”. So I should buy in to your blind hate because someone else told you that I’m inferior because my ancestors weren’t of the same heritage of yours? I’ve been alive for twenty four years, and as early as four years old, (I remember because I came home crying) I was told that I couldn’t play with the others because “black and white doesn’t mix” Seriously, what the fuck. How can a four year old, come to being a racist? They don’t, they were raised that way. Again, maybe I am uneducated but I don’t understand any parent telling their child you are better than so and so, do not play with them, and just grow up the rest of their lives like “K.” No thinking for yourself, nothing, mom said it was bad, no niggers allowed.
A couple days ago I went to the mall, I shook off the anxiety and the constant depression and left the house. I went to buy a razor and saw something I think a friend would like so after deciding it was an impulse buy I decided to put back the other item and just buy the razor instead. The cashier saw me and asked where the other item was, when I explained to her, her response was “It better be there”. I was shocked, I didn’t think I heard her clearly so I asked her what she meant by that and she repeated it with a stone cold face “It better be there”, again mortified, because clearly staff do not just insinuate things like this to customers I asked “As opposed to where”? She responded with “it better be back on the shelf and not anywhere else” and looked at my backpack. I didn’t look menacing, I have no prior record of theft. She didn’t accuse the white guy ahead of me in line when he put back an item as well, I wonder what the difference between me and him was because we didn’t look much different in age. I can understand, like depression, you don’t go through racism so you don’t understand. You need to wake up, every race, every HUMAN deserves to be just that, a human. I’m tired of feeling I am not good enough, I’m tired of feeling sub-par. After hearing “idk idk I mentioned to my mom you were black and she freaked out” I went home and I cut myself. What I’m being told is, you are not good enough, no matter what you do or who you become you will never be good enough because you are black and will always be black. I’ve heard it in the workplace and I’ve heard it in relationships over and over again and literally all of my life. Before you judge anyone, or blindly decide you are above them. Remember these words, “They are human too”. Nobody chooses their ethnicity, nobody chooses not to be privileged or entitled. So before more innocent people die for simply being of color, before more people get looked over because their name is Carlos instead of Carl. Look at the actual person, not their skin color, or accent, the actual fucking person. Wake up. -Nerd Out
nerd in the north 